第一篇 成長(zhǎng)·勵(lì)志
I   Growth·and Motivation
 
1.1母親兩度患癌催生了我的夢(mèng)想
1.1 My dream came out of my mother suffering from cancers twice 
 
應(yīng)該說(shuō)，每個(gè)人的內(nèi)心深處都有夢(mèng)想，有自己的人生理想和追求，對(duì)幸福生活的訴求與期待。一般人的夢(mèng)想，大多都是對(duì)未來(lái)生活的憧憬，而我卻與往事關(guān)聯(lián)。我的夢(mèng)想，起源于母親的兩次癌癥，因?yàn)榘┌Y奪走了我母親的生命。從那時(shí)起，我就感覺(jué)癌癥是人類(lèi)未解密的黑洞。
It should be said that everybody has dreams at the bottom of his heart, ideal and pursuits of his life, plus of appeal and expectation of the happy life. Most people’s dreams are always expectation for the future life; however, my dream was related to the past which originated from my mother suffering from cancers twice, and the cancers had taken away my mother’s life. From then on, I felt that cancer was the un-decoded black hole for human beings.
 
母親第一次患癌，讓我立志要成為一名醫(yī)生；母親第二次患癌，讓我有了“破解癌癥黑洞密碼，救治更多母親”的夢(mèng)想。和千千萬(wàn)萬(wàn)個(gè)家庭一樣，母親將自己無(wú)私的愛(ài)，全部給了我。
The first time that my mother suffered from a cancer made me devote to be a doctor; and the second time made me have the dream “to decode the black hole of cancer for more mothers, and save their lives”. I liked my mother because she had given me all her selfless love, just as the others in thousands and thousands of families.
 
小時(shí)候我有一個(gè)充滿(mǎn)了愛(ài)的家庭，父親沒(méi)有像爺爺那樣從文，而是從小喜愛(ài)習(xí)武，并且很有造詣。他年輕時(shí)靠打拳賣(mài)藝為生，走遍全國(guó)，哥們兒義氣的朋友一大幫，解放前在國(guó)民黨軍隊(duì)當(dāng)過(guò)武術(shù)教官，后因幫助老鄉(xiāng)逃離監(jiān)獄而犯下錯(cuò)，離開(kāi)了國(guó)民黨部隊(duì)。也因此在解放初期入獄三年，即所謂的“歷史反革命”。盡管如此，父親還于20世紀(jì)50年代在濟(jì)南部隊(duì)當(dāng)過(guò)業(yè)余教官，教解放軍武術(shù)。小時(shí)候我經(jīng)常跟著爸爸練拳腳，學(xué)了一些武術(shù)功夫，以至于后來(lái)去了美國(guó)，還教美國(guó)老太太們太極拳，那已是后話(huà)。母親是個(gè)賢惠能干的女人，家里的一切事務(wù)從沒(méi)讓父親操心。母親生下四個(gè)孩子，我排行老三，家里還有兩個(gè)姐姐和一個(gè)妹妹。可能是家里的唯一男孩吧，表面看不出來(lái)，實(shí)際上母親非常偏愛(ài)我，我經(jīng)常跟人說(shuō)，我是在母親的慈愛(ài)庇護(hù)下長(zhǎng)大。
My childhood was spent in a family full of love. Instead to be a literary man like my grandfather, my father liked to practice martial art when he was young, and he achievements in martial art was considerable. My father made a living by boxing and busking as a young man, traveled all the country and made a lot of buddies. He served as a martial arts instructor in Kuomintang’s Army before liberation, later committed  offences for helping a fellow villager escape from prison and then departed the Kuomintang’s Army. As a so-called “history counterrevolutionary”, my father was closed in prison for three years in the period of initial post-liberation In spite of this, my father still served as an amateur instructor in Jinan troops in 1950s, teaching the people's Liberation Army martial arts. When I was a child, I often followed my father to practice and learn Chinese Kung Fu, so I taught American old ladies Taijiquan after l went to USA, but that was the later story. My mother was a virtuous and capable woman who undertook all home affairs, which never let my father be worried. She gave birth to four children, as the third of four children I had two elder sisters and a younger. Maybe just as I was the only boy in the family, my mother gave me most of her love partially, though she didn’t look so. Hence, I often told others that I was growing up under my mother’s affection and asylum.
記得小時(shí)候，夏天在外玩，回來(lái)時(shí)一定要喝水，三碗水在桌上，我知道哪個(gè)碗里有糖，姐妹卻不知道，那是母親特意給我準(zhǔn)備的。每次過(guò)大年，母親肯定會(huì)給我做一身新衣服。說(shuō)是新衣服，其實(shí)就是大人的衣服改裝的，而姐姐們和妹妹大多都穿著舊衣服過(guò)年。家里要是趕上有好吃的，即使我沒(méi)在家，母親也會(huì)給我留出一些。二姐發(fā)現(xiàn)母親偏向我，總是和我對(duì)著干，有時(shí)我倆還扭打在一起。小妹雖然年幼，卻反而事事都讓著我。父親對(duì)我雖然嚴(yán)厲，但我一直是個(gè)聽(tīng)話(huà)、乖巧的孩子，從來(lái)不惹是生非，在學(xué)校學(xué)習(xí)中又一直名列前茅，平素不茍言笑的父親，從來(lái)沒(méi)對(duì)我訓(xùn)斥過(guò)。父親每次外出，妹妹都想跟去，父親總說(shuō)不行，卻早已暗示我，讓我在大街的路口等他，與他同行。那時(shí)的我，雖不像現(xiàn)在的獨(dú)生子女，卻享受著全家人的呵護(hù)。
I remembered when I was a child, we come back home after playing outside in summer, we must drink a plenty of water, while three bowls of water were put on the table and only one with sugar, I knew this but my sisters did not know, because my mother specially prepared it for me. My mother certainly made a new dress for me on every Spring Festival. In fact, the so called new dress was modified from the adult’s clothes, while my sisters always dressed old clothes to celebrate the Spring Festival. Occasionally there were some tasties at home, and even if I was outside, my mother would also leave some for me. The second-eldest sister found that my mother was partial to me, so she always acted against me and sometimes scuffled with me. However my little sister was very young, she always gave way to me in everything. Although my father was strict and usually serious in speech and manner, he had never reprimanded me because I was an obedient and clever boy, never stirred up any trouble and my study was always better than the others. Every time my father went out, my younger sister usually wanted to go with him, he always said no to her but hinted that I waited him at the intersection of the street. At that time, though I was not the only child of the family as today’s, I enjoyed care and protection from the whole family.
 
在20世紀(jì)60年代初期，能夠讓人填飽肚子的食物，成了全國(guó)人民的奢侈品。那時(shí)，由于父親在國(guó)民黨軍隊(duì)里工作過(guò)，被打成了“反革命分子”，遣返回農(nóng)村老家。返鄉(xiāng)前父親是運(yùn)輸公司的搬運(yùn)工，還可以養(yǎng)家糊口，但是回到農(nóng)村，就沒(méi)有了生活來(lái)源。全家人靠著親朋和鄰里的幫助，勉強(qiáng)過(guò)日子，經(jīng)常是吃不飽、穿不暖。
In the early1960s, the food that could fill the stomachs of people had become the national luxury. At that time, as my father worked ever in the Kuomintang’ army, he was called the "counter revolutionaries" and sent back to the countryside. Be a porter in a transportation company before returning the countryside, barely supporting the family, while in countryside father lost the life source. All the family managed to get along depending on the helps of kinfolks, friends and neighbors, often scarce of food and clothes.
 
在動(dòng)蕩起落的“文革”時(shí)期，父親雖是“反革命”，但子女沒(méi)有罪啊！在母親的爭(zhēng)取和努力下，我和母親又回到濟(jì)南，但是我們家的房子已經(jīng)被鄰居占據(jù)，派出所的民警就讓我們住到了鄰居家的三間北屋中的東間。一個(gè)屋檐下，難免磕磕碰碰，有幾次還吵了起來(lái)。那時(shí)，母親不放心在鄉(xiāng)下的爸爸和姐姐們，常常回東平探望。記得有一天，我放學(xué)回家，院子里沒(méi)有大人，小孩也不搭理我。我就在門(mén)外溜達(dá)，忽然眼睛一亮，看到同院的鄰居洪大娘曬在窗臺(tái)上的熟地瓜干，我的肚子馬上就咕咕地叫了起來(lái)，口水都流出來(lái)了，我實(shí)在是太餓了。心想，就吃一塊吧，洪大娘沒(méi)在家，吃一塊又看不出來(lái)。吃上一塊地瓜干后，感到更餓了，那肚子就好像裝著一個(gè)正在轉(zhuǎn)悠的轱轆，叫起來(lái)似乎還有節(jié)奏，我就間隔著拿起地瓜干，一塊一塊往嘴里塞，直到自己感到大娘可能要看出來(lái)了，這才收手，找小朋友玩去了。第二天也如此這般，時(shí)間一長(zhǎng)，地瓜干就所剩無(wú)幾了。
In the turbulent period of the "Cultural Revolution", though father was the "counter revolutionary", while the children were innocent! Due to mother's trying and efforts, mother and I went back to Jinan, whereas our house had been occupied by neighbors and the police let us live in the East of three north rooms of a neighbor. Under one roof, it was hard to avoid bumps one with another, and for several times quarrelling happened. At that time, mother felt worried about my father and sisters in the countryside, often she went to Dongping to see them. One day, I came home from school, no adults in the yard, and the children did not talk with me, then I strolled outside, suddenly a bright light flashed before my eyes, I saw neighbor Aunt Hong’s cooked dry sweet potatoes sunned on the sills, immediately I felt so hungry with stomach cooing up and slobber flowing out. I thought it was nothing to have a piece, after all, Aunt Hong was not at home, even if I ate a piece and she could not perceive it.  Eaten a piece of dried sweet potato, while I felt more hungry and my belly sounded with rhythm as if there was a rotating wheel contained in it, so every now and then I picked up pieces of dry sweet potatoes putting into my mouth one by one, until I felt that Aunt Hong might perceive it then I stopped to play with my little friends. The second day, such and such things was going on, as time went a long, there was not much left.
忘了過(guò)了多久，母親回來(lái)了，責(zé)備我不該偷吃地瓜干，并高高舉起了手要打我。可能是我那害怕的表情讓母親有些心軟吧，母親抬起的右手只是有些用力地摸了摸我的頭，嘆了一口氣。原來(lái)幾次偷吃，鄰居洪大娘全看在眼里，但她沒(méi)有阻止我，她笑著跟母親說(shuō)：“這孩子真餓壞了。”這是我記憶中第一次犯錯(cuò)，也是唯一一次差點(diǎn)挨打。瞧，母親有多么疼愛(ài)我！至今一想起此事，我就想流淚，就非常想念我的母親。  

I forgot how long it passed, then mother came back who blamed me for eating the dry sweet potato furtively, she raised her hand high to slap me. Maybe my scared face made mother be softhearted, and her raised right hand only touched my head hard, with a sigh. Originally, what I had done several times was seen by neighbor Aunt Hong, while she did not stop me, she told mother with a smile: “The boy was really hungry.” This was the first time in my memory that I made a mistake, and the only time that I nearly was beaten. Look, how much my mother loved me, so far, once I think of it, tears was  flowing , and I missed my mother very badly.  

1970年，由于父親歷史問(wèn)題的原因，本來(lái)已經(jīng)返回濟(jì)南的我們，又一次被遣返回東平。不過(guò)大姐已經(jīng)參加了工作，所以就留在了濟(jì)南城里。返鄉(xiāng)的頭一天，一輛解放牌大卡車(chē)停在家門(mén)口，全部家當(dāng)都被裝上了車(chē)。第二天，滿(mǎn)載著人和東西的車(chē)走了大半天，就到了東平接山鄉(xiāng)夏謝村。到了村頭停下車(chē)，村四大隊(duì)的書(shū)記來(lái)迎接我們。然后我們一家人住進(jìn)一個(gè)牛棚，一走進(jìn)去還聞到一股牛糞味。
In 1970, due to father’s historical problem, my mother and I, who had returned to Jinan, were once again deported to Dongping, merely my eldest sister had worked and she stayed. The day to return, a big Jiefang truck parked at our door, then all the bag and baggage were loaded in it. On the second day, the truck which was loaded full of persons and baggage took most of the day arriving at the village of Xiaxie, Jieshan Xiang, Dongping County. As soon as the truck stopped, the secretaries from four big teams in the village came to welcome us. Then our families lived in a bullpen where I sniffed out a smell of cow dung as I entered.
 
小時(shí)候，我脾氣挺倔，母親說(shuō)，我有著不達(dá)目的誓不罷休的勁頭。記得有一次，已經(jīng)在濟(jì)南水泥制品廠(chǎng)上班的大姐回來(lái)看望我們，住了兩天大姐就要回濟(jì)南，我就鬧著要跟著去，母親雖不讓?zhuān)�但表面上答�?yīng)了，因?yàn)槟菚r(shí)我已經(jīng)在農(nóng)村上小學(xué)了。第二天一大早，大姐就去大（這里讀dai）羊鄉(xiāng)車(chē)站，沿著山區(qū)的小道，乘車(chē)回濟(jì)南了，我醒來(lái)發(fā)現(xiàn)她不在，知道大姐已經(jīng)走了，就往門(mén)外跑去。到車(chē)站的路有十五里，一路上我邊跑邊喊，可是已經(jīng)看不到大姐的身影，但我沒(méi)有停下來(lái)。那時(shí)山間的路難走啊，根本沒(méi)有像樣的路，還要路過(guò)一片墳地，我跑出了大約十五里，那車(chē)早已沒(méi)了蹤影。回家后，我郁郁寡歡，精神恍惚，母親發(fā)現(xiàn)后，感覺(jué)有些不對(duì)勁。因?yàn)槲以�路過(guò)墳地，鄰居大媽就提醒母親：“是不是被鬼纏上了？快做做法事吧。”還是母親了解兒子，“這是他的犟脾氣啊。”十幾天后，濟(jì)南東平的老鄉(xiāng)回夏謝村探親，母親就懇托濟(jì)南老鄉(xiāng)騎著自行車(chē)帶著我，一大早四點(diǎn)鐘就出發(fā)，一路直奔濟(jì)南。到了晚上六點(diǎn)終于到達(dá)大姐家，兩百多里的路啊，我的屁股幾乎要顛破了。在濟(jì)南住了一個(gè)月，我的情緒穩(wěn)定下來(lái)，大姐才把我送回了東平。母親啊，你太了解兒子，也太寵著兒子了！
When I was young, I was very stubborn, mother said that I had a spirit of not up until the goal. I remember once my eldest sister came back to see us who had worked in the factory of Jinan cement product, after living with us for two days, she would return to Jinan, and I wanted to go with her naughtily, mother did not permit while promised on the surface, as I had gone to school at that time，a rural primary school. Early on the second day, my eldest sister went to Daiyang Xiang station, along with the mountain trail, riding back to Jinan. I woke up and found her out, realizing sister had gone, I ran toward the door. The way to the station is fifteen miles, I shouted as I ran, while couldn't see eldest sister’s figure, but I didn't stop. At that time it was difficult to walk on the mountain road, for there was no decent way at all, still someone needed to pass by a cemetery, I had run for about fifteen miles to get the station, but the bus had been out of sight for a long time. After returning home, I felt depressed and my mind was wandering. When mother noticed, she felt something was wrong with me. Since I had passed the cemetery, a neighbor aunt reminded my mother:”Whether the boy was tangled by the demon? Conduct a religious rite quickly.” Nevertheless, mother knew her son, she said: “it was just because of his stubborn temper.”More than ten days later, a fellow-villager from Dongping，Jinan was returning to Xia Xie village to visit relatives, mother requested him sincerely to take me to Jinan by bicycle. Early in the morning we set off at four o'clock, went straight to Jinan all the way, eventually we arrived my eldest sister’s home at six o’clock in the evening. After the journey of more than two hundred miles, my ass was almost jolted to broken. Living in Jinan for a month, until my emotion was stabilized, then my eldest sister brought me back to Dongping. My mother, you are so understand your son, and you doted on your son too!
20世紀(jì)70年代，積勞成疾的母親患了宮頸癌。不忍看著母親受到病痛折磨，才12歲的我， 就用板車(chē)?yán)�她去公社醫(yī)院看病，醫(yī)生說(shuō)是癌癥的那瞬間幾乎嚇?biāo)牢摇？膳碌陌┌Y，那是我第一次聽(tīng)到它的名字。第二天母親被送去了濟(jì)南，在大姐的關(guān)懷和醫(yī)生的積極治療下有了好轉(zhuǎn)。從那時(shí)起，我最大的夢(mèng)想就是當(dāng)一名醫(yī)生。我太愛(ài)母親了，每當(dāng)聽(tīng)到母親的呻吟，就好比刀子在剜我的心。那時(shí)在學(xué)校學(xué)習(xí)根本不是為了自己，而是為了母親……1977年恢復(fù)高考，我如愿以?xún)敚�考進(jìn)了青島醫(yī)學(xué)院北鎮(zhèn)分院。我要當(dāng)一名醫(yī)生的愿望太迫切啦。
In 1970s, mother was broken down from constant overwork, suffering from the cervical cancer. I could not bear to see mother was tortured by the disease, just 12 years old, I pulled her to the commune hospital with plate trailer. It almost scared me to death at the moment when the doctor said it was cancer. The terrible cancer, it is the first time I heard the name of it. The second day mother was sent to Jinan, then it took a turn for the better as mother was under my eldest sister’s caring and the active treatment of the doctors. Since then, my biggest dream is to be a doctor. I loved my mother so much, whenever I heard mother moaning, it liked using a knife cut out my heart. At that time I learnt in the school which was not for myself, but for my mother...... When the college entrance examination was resumed in 1977, I had got my wish, entering Beizhen Branch of Qingdao Medical Academy. My wish of being a doctor was too urgent.
 北京翻譯公司加急-北京翻譯公司價(jià)格-北京翻譯公司酒仙橋
我在醫(yī)學(xué)院學(xué)習(xí)的四年中，成績(jī)一直名列前茅。畢業(yè)后，我被分配到山東省腫瘤防治研究院（現(xiàn)山東省腫瘤醫(yī)院）工作，不久，又被派往中國(guó)醫(yī)科院腫瘤醫(yī)院進(jìn)修。
During the four years I learned in the medical college, my grades was always at the top of the list. After graduation, I was assigned to work in the Research Institute on Tumor Prevention of Shandong Province (now the Tumor Hospital of Shandong Province), before long, I was sent to study in the tumor hospital of Chinese Medical College.
 
天有不測(cè)風(fēng)云，就在研修最忙的時(shí)候，操勞一生的母親又一次患上了癌癥，是食道癌。這對(duì)于我來(lái)說(shuō)，打擊太大了，母親是我精神上的依靠，我不能失去她。我停止在京的學(xué)習(xí)，回到濟(jì)南，我一邊關(guān)注母親的病情，一邊更加發(fā)奮地學(xué)習(xí)，下決心要研究食道癌，為母親治病。可是用盡了自己所有的知識(shí)和辦法，化療放療都做了，還是沒(méi)有挽留住母親的性命。母親帶著對(duì)人世間的留戀和對(duì)子女們的企盼，撒手人寰。
Something unexpected may happen any time. Just as I was very busy with my research and studies, mother who had worked hard for all her life suffered from cancer again, which was esophageal cancer. This striking on me was too hard, as mother was the dependence my spirits relied on, and I could not lose her. I stopped my study in Beijing and returned Jinan. While I paid attention to mother’s illness, I was learning more strenuously, determined to study esophageal cancer to cure mother. But I exhausted all my knowledge and methods, done with both chemotherapy and radiotherapy, did not I retain mother’s life. Mother died with nostalgia for the world and the hope for her children.
 
我終于明白，靠目前手術(shù)和放療、化療的治療方法，根本不可能在癌癥治療上取得實(shí)質(zhì)性突破，要想挽救千千萬(wàn)萬(wàn)的癌癥患者，必須有一種新的治療方法出現(xiàn)。母親過(guò)世時(shí)，我還是一個(gè)單身，母親曾經(jīng)那么迫切想看到我能夠完婚，但最終還是沒(méi)有實(shí)現(xiàn)。在安葬母親后，我看到老家有患食道癌的老鄉(xiāng)，沒(méi)條件治療卻還活著，對(duì)我真是一個(gè)打擊。這是多么大的諷刺啊！山東省腫瘤醫(yī)院的腫瘤醫(yī)生，連自己母親的病都治不好，我心中痛苦極了。同時(shí)，這也讓我對(duì)癌癥的研究和治療有了諸多的質(zhì)疑。為了研究，我在自己身上打過(guò)針做過(guò)實(shí)驗(yàn)，以至于經(jīng)常渾身腫脹，出現(xiàn)了全身不適反應(yīng)。
I eventually understood that it was impossible to achieve substantive breakthrough in treatment of cancer by operation and radiotherapy, chemotherapy present, in order to save thousands on thousands of cancer patients, there must be a new therapeutic method. When mother died, I was a single. Mother once so desperately wanted to see I was married, but it was not ultimately implemented. After the burial, I observed a fellow-villager at our native place who had suffered from esophageal cancer was still alive without treatment as he could not afford the cost. This was really a blow to me, how ironic it was! Be a oncology doctor from Shandong Provincial Tumor Hospital, I even could not cure my own mother's illness, my heart was very painful. At the same time, it also made me to have many questions on research and treatment of cancer. In order to study, I had done injections and experiments in my own body, so which was often swelled, arising a body discomfort since.
 
中國(guó)醫(yī)科院腫瘤醫(yī)院的同事們看到我如此這般，覺(jué)得我可能是因母親的病逝受到了刺激，鉆牛角尖了，都勸我別那么瘋狂，調(diào)整一下自己的心態(tài)再做研究。但我沒(méi)有停下來(lái)，母親都被癌癥奪去了生命，身為一個(gè)腫瘤研究者，你說(shuō)我會(huì)是什么樣的感受？一個(gè)念頭總閃現(xiàn)在我的腦海里：為什么我們總被癌癥屠殺，卻對(duì)它一點(diǎn)辦法都沒(méi)有？一定是我們做得太少了。要想拯救千千萬(wàn)萬(wàn)的癌癥患者不再被癌癥奪走生命，不抓緊時(shí)間研究怎么能行呢？
The colleagues from the Cancer Hospital of Chinese Medical College saw me like this, and thought maybe I was stimulated by mother’s death and was heading into a blind alley, so they advised me not to do so crazy, adjusting my own mentality then to research again. But I did not stop. My mother died just because of cancer, as a cancer researcher, what a kind of feeling, you say, I would have? An idea always flashed in my mind: why were we always slaughtered by cancer but having no way for it? It must be that we did too little. In order to save thousands and thousands of patients from the killing of cancer, how could you do it not to seize the time to study?
 
母親不在了，夜間我常常從噩夢(mèng)中醒來(lái)，心臟狂跳不止。夢(mèng)里的自己身穿白大褂推著輪椅，輪椅上坐著患病的母親，似乎要去做身體檢查，醫(yī)院的走廊很長(zhǎng)很長(zhǎng)，我推著母親走啊，走啊，老是走不到頭……走廊兩側(cè)站著很多人，他們用那種鄙視的眼光盯著我，人群中不少人對(duì)我指指點(diǎn)點(diǎn)，我都不敢抬頭看他們。我聽(tīng)到人們議論我：“身為一個(gè)醫(yī)生，一個(gè)研究癌癥的醫(yī)生，連自己母親的病都治不了，這算是什么醫(yī)生啊？”我面紅耳赤，腦子里亂哄哄的，趕忙疾步向前。一直走一直走，我都累得氣喘吁吁了，還是看不到化驗(yàn)室的門(mén)。這時(shí)，一群面目猙獰的人紛紛圍了上來(lái)，又是一頓無(wú)休止的指責(zé)，這時(shí)候我忽然失去控制，大吼一聲：“走開(kāi)！”驚醒后，我出了一身冷汗，這才發(fā)現(xiàn)自己是在夢(mèng)中。
Mother had gone, while at night I often wake up from a nightmare with heart pounding. In the dreams, I was in the white coat, pushing a wheelchair in which sat the sick mother, seeming to want to do physical examination. The hospital corridor was very long, pushing mother， I walked, walked, and always went round......A lot of people were standing on both sides of the corridor, stared at me with that kind of contempt eyes, quite a few in the crowd were pointing at me, I did not dare to look at them. I heard the people talking about me: "As a doctor, a cancer doctor, even his own mother's disease cannot be cured, what a doctor is it?"
我面紅耳赤，腦子里亂哄哄的，趕忙疾步向前。一直走一直走，我都累得氣喘吁吁了，還是看不到化驗(yàn)室的門(mén)。這時(shí)，一群面目猙獰的人紛紛圍了上來(lái)，又是一頓無(wú)休止的指責(zé)，這時(shí)候我忽然失去控制，大吼一聲：“走開(kāi)！”驚醒后，我出了一身冷汗，這才發(fā)現(xiàn)自己是在夢(mèng)中。
I flushed with shame, and my brain was noisy, then I quickly hurtled forward. Walked and walked all along till I was tired to pant for breath, still I could not see the laboratory door. At this time, a group of people with fierce looking gathered around me, and there was another endless criticism, just then I suddenly lost control with a big growl: "Go away!" Waken up, I broke out in a cold sweat and found that it was a dream.
 
　　我曾無(wú)數(shù)次地重復(fù)著類(lèi)似的夢(mèng)境。
癌癥對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，是瘡疤、是淚痕、是恥辱……癌癥就是一個(gè)大災(zāi)難。對(duì)于患者、家庭、親人們來(lái)說(shuō)，癌癥就是猙獰的殺人犯，癌癥“黑洞”之謎何時(shí)能解開(kāi)？何時(shí)能見(jiàn)到一束陽(yáng)光？我能做些什么？這是日后我一直沒(méi)有放棄癌癥研究和治療的重要原因。
I had ever repeated similar dreams for many times.
Cancer, for me, was the scar, the tear stains; the shame...... cancer was just a major disaster. For the patients, the families and the relatives, cancer was a ferocious killer, when would the mystery of cancer "black hole" be solved? When could the people see a beam of sunlight? What can I do? This was the major reason why I would never give up the research and treatment of cancer in the future.
 
為了這個(gè)抗癌中國(guó)夢(mèng)，為了那一束穿透癌癥“黑洞”的陽(yáng)光，我踏進(jìn)了癌癥“黑洞”里，三十多年如一日，悶在了這個(gè)“黑洞”中；我投入了我全部的精力，夜以繼日地與癌癥抗?fàn)帲瑘?zhí)著地一路走來(lái)。
In order to realize the China dream of anticancer as well as to obtain a beam of sunlight penetrating the cancer "black hole", I stepped into the cancer "black hole", taking more than thirty years as one day, closed myself in the "black hole"; I put all my energy round the clock into the battle with cancer, tenaciously go through the whole journey.
 
1.2自始至終就想成為一個(gè)高尚的腫瘤醫(yī)生
1.2 I wanted to be a noble oncologist all the way
 
癌癥“黑洞”究竟是什么，里面都包含著怎樣的東西？1988年我從協(xié)和醫(yī)科大學(xué)碩士研究生畢業(yè)時(shí)，對(duì)此并沒(méi)有清楚的認(rèn)識(shí)。1990年我憑自己的勤奮和成就，收到了美國(guó)加州圣地亞哥醫(yī)學(xué)院的博士后研究邀請(qǐng)，辭去原本待遇豐厚的中日友好醫(yī)院的工作，孤注一擲遠(yuǎn)赴大洋彼岸尋求攻克癌魔的方法，希望再深入一點(diǎn)去探索癌癥“黑洞”，找到那束陽(yáng)光，實(shí)現(xiàn)自己追求的夢(mèng)想。
What on earth is the cancer "black hole"? What a kind of things are contained inside? I had no clear understanding on these questions when I graduated from Union Medical College in 1988. In 1990, I received the invitation for postdoctoral research from the Medical College of California, San Diego, USA. relying on my hard work and achievements, then I resigned the work in China-Japan Friendship Hospital which was very lucrative to seek ways of conquering cancer on the other side of the ocean with the idea of throwing the helve after the hatchet, wished to go further a little to explore cancer "black hole", finding the beam of sunlight, to realize my dreams.
 
沒(méi)有其他的追求，也不想追求那些虛的榮耀與頭銜，我就想成為一個(gè)高尚的腫瘤醫(yī)生，為人類(lèi)攻克癌癥“黑洞”做一點(diǎn)貢獻(xiàn)。
Neither other pursuit, nor the wants to pursue the false glory and titles, I just want to be a noble oncologist, contribute a little for human by conquering cancer "black hole".
 
到美國(guó)學(xué)習(xí)，因?yàn)槭艿搅藢?dǎo)師斯奈爾·金（Sinil Kims）的影響，向他學(xué)習(xí)緩釋庫(kù)這個(gè)概念及應(yīng)用方法。與此同時(shí)，我意識(shí)到自己缺少許多知識(shí)，急需充實(shí)自己，特別是分子生物知識(shí)。
Learning in American, I was affected by my supervisor Sinil Kims and learned the concept and application methods of sustained-release base from him. At that time, I was aware of that I lacked a lot of knowledge, and urgently need to enrich myself, especially the knowledge on molecular biological.  
 
我是恢復(fù)高考后的第一屆大學(xué)生，雖然基礎(chǔ)不錯(cuò)，但醫(yī)學(xué)大學(xué)生主要以生物、生化等比較基礎(chǔ)的學(xué)科為主，授課時(shí)間比較短，內(nèi)容比較淺顯，是以臨床方面知識(shí)為主，大學(xué)畢業(yè)做住院醫(yī)生是完全可以勝任，但是做研究工作就差得太遠(yuǎn)了。
I was one of the college students from the first session after the resumption of college entrance examination, although the base of my knowledge was good, the medical college students mainly learn the comparatively basis subjects such as biological, biochemical and so on, and the teaching time was short, the content was relatively simple, principally with the clinical knowledge. The one who graduated from the medical college was fully qualified to be a resident doctor, but too far to the research work.
讀研究生時(shí)，自己的水平得到了進(jìn)一步提高。當(dāng)年，考取碩士研究生的比例非常小，專(zhuān)業(yè)分得很細(xì)。在國(guó)內(nèi)，我的研究方向是核醫(yī)學(xué)、腎上腺嗜鉻細(xì)胞瘤的顯像、淋巴結(jié)顯像劑等。
When I was pursuing the master degree, my medicine level had been further improved. The year when I obtained the permission, the proportion of admission for graduate was very small, and profession was shared very fine. In China, my research direction was a nuclear medicine, imaging of adrenal pheochromocytoma, lymph node imaging agent and so on.
 
到了美國(guó)，研究方向變了，知識(shí)就有些不太夠用了。跟著導(dǎo)師做過(guò)幾年的分子生物學(xué)研究，確實(shí)填補(bǔ)了我的短板。在分子生物學(xué)的大潮中，至少我不說(shuō)外行話(huà)了，至少我更能理解生物治療中的關(guān)鍵點(diǎn)及相關(guān)的聯(lián)系了。
In the USA, my research direction changed, and then my knowledge was something not enough. It really filled up my weak points following the supervisor to research on molecular biology for several years. In the tide of molecular biology, at least I didn't speak in layman's language any more, and at least I could understand better the key points and related links of biological treatment .
 
我很注意參加索爾克生物研究所(Salk、Institute for Biological Studies）和圣地亞哥加州大學(xué)（University of California, San Diego）的各種學(xué)術(shù)會(huì)議、講座，有些講座可能完全與我的研究無(wú)關(guān)，我也一樣參加，為的是受受啟發(fā)，看看能否找到我感興趣的內(nèi)容，尤其是癌癥治療方面的新點(diǎn)子或新思路。學(xué)術(shù)會(huì)也多數(shù)與我的目的相差甚遠(yuǎn)，我只是聽(tīng)聽(tīng)，當(dāng)作練英語(yǔ)，當(dāng)作休息，這些學(xué)術(shù)講座會(huì)都備有飲料及小吃，我就當(dāng)作休閑。
I paid great attention to the various academic conferences, lectures at Salk Institute for Biological Studies and University of California, San Diego. Some of the lectures had nothing to do with my research, which I also attended to be inspired and to have a look whether I could find something I was interested about, especially the new ideas or new thoughts on cancer treatment. Most of the academic conferences also differed very far from my purpose, which I just listened to as a practicing of English and a rest. As in these lectures and conferences, there were prepared drinks and snacks; I just regarded it as a casual.
索爾克生物研究所是坐落在加州南部拉霍亞的一個(gè)獨(dú)立非營(yíng)利科學(xué)研究機(jī)構(gòu)。它于1960年由喬納斯·索爾克（Jonas Salk）創(chuàng)立，創(chuàng)始者中有雅各布·布羅諾夫斯基（Jacob Bronowski)）和弗朗西斯·克里克（Francis Crick）。1962年研究所正式投入運(yùn)行。這所研究所是美國(guó)生命科學(xué)領(lǐng)域成果最多、質(zhì)量最高的研究機(jī)構(gòu)之一。在中國(guó)知道的人很少，多數(shù)人知道哈佛醫(yī)學(xué)院。2004年，《時(shí)代高等教育》增刊將索爾克生物研究所列為世界第一的生物醫(yī)學(xué)研究機(jī)構(gòu)，2006年，《科學(xué)觀(guān)察》將其列為神經(jīng)科學(xué)和行為學(xué)領(lǐng)域全球第一的研究所。路易·康是索爾克生物研究所的設(shè)計(jì)者，在美國(guó)現(xiàn)代建筑師中，路易·康在建筑學(xué)上的地位相當(dāng)高。他在1901年2月20日生于愛(ài)沙尼亞的薩拉馬島，1905年隨父母移居美國(guó)費(fèi)城，1924年畢業(yè)于費(fèi)城賓夕法尼亞大學(xué)。大器晚成的他五十多歲時(shí)才真正成為一代宗師，他的建筑作品通常是在質(zhì)樸中呈現(xiàn)出永恒和典雅，他闡述了建筑應(yīng)該怎樣在反映人類(lèi)對(duì)本質(zhì)的思考過(guò)程中創(chuàng)造的奇跡；他提到的光明與陰影，與他在建筑作品中善于把握光的作用一樣，都啟發(fā)著人們對(duì)存在和哲理的思考。
Salk Institute for Biological Studies was an independent non-profit scientific research institution located in La Jolla in southern California. It was founded by Jonas Salk in 1960, and the initiators included Jacob Bronowski and Francis Crick. The Institute was officially put into operation in 1962. It was one of the research institutions which achieved the most and of the highest quality from life science field in USA. It was rarely known by Chinese people, as most of them knew the Harvard Medical College. In 2004, the supplementary issue of “Times Higher Education” ranked Salk Institute for Biological Studies as the first biomedical research institution in the world, and In 2006, the "Science Observation" ranked it as the first institute all over the world in the field of neuroscience and Behavioral Science. Louis Kang was a designer of Salk Institute for Biological Studies who enjoyed a quite high status among American modern architects. He was born on the island of Saaremaa in Estonia, February 20, 1901, and immigrated with his parents to Philadelphia in America, 1905. He graduated from the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia, 1924. He who great minds matured slowly became a master until he was more than fifty, and whose works of architecture presented eternity and elegance in plain, he elaborated how the miracle was created by the architecture through reflection of human thinking on the nature; the light and shadow he mentioned, as well as that he was good at grasping the effect of light in architecture works, both inspired people to think about the existence and philosophy.
 
這樣一些學(xué)術(shù)講座在索爾克和圣地亞哥加州大學(xué)幾乎天天有，多數(shù)是基礎(chǔ)的分子生物學(xué)，無(wú)臨床應(yīng)用價(jià)值。當(dāng)然基礎(chǔ)研究是科學(xué)家的興趣與愛(ài)好，也是生物學(xué)家賴(lài)以生存的工具，為了能晉升，為了能爭(zhēng)取科研經(jīng)費(fèi)，他們需要發(fā)表文章，需要寫(xiě)研究經(jīng)費(fèi)申請(qǐng)報(bào)告，他們一生花在寫(xiě)經(jīng)費(fèi)申請(qǐng)報(bào)告的時(shí)間，約占職業(yè)生涯的一半，然而，拿到經(jīng)費(fèi)的概率只有10%，甚至更少。
Some academic lectures like these were held almost every day in Salk Institute and University of California, San Di ego, most of which were the fundamental molecular biology without the value of clinical application. Of course, basic research was the scientist's interest and hobbies as well as the biologists’ tool for survival. They needed to publish articles for promotion and to write application reports for research funding, and the time they spent on writing funds application in life is accounting for about half of their occupation career, however, the probability to get funding was only 10%, or even less.
 
這些科學(xué)家拼命干的目的，是希望得到經(jīng)費(fèi)，用于研究和生活。哪里有項(xiàng)目招標(biāo)，哪里就有科學(xué)家的身影，為了爭(zhēng)取到資金，拼命地思考出標(biāo)新立異的項(xiàng)目，并設(shè)想著種種可能的答案，而一些藥企或大商人會(huì)選擇對(duì)自己感興趣的項(xiàng)目慷慨解囊，贊助美國(guó)癌癥研究學(xué)會(huì)（American Association for Cancer Research）、美國(guó)臨床腫瘤學(xué)會(huì)（American Society of Clinical Oncology）的某些研究。各種各樣的獎(jiǎng)項(xiàng)，刺激著他們?nèi)ド暾?qǐng)，而藥企或大商人拿出的這些錢(qián)，在美國(guó)還可以避稅或減稅。因此多數(shù)不是為了興趣，只是為了生存。
The purpose for the scientists worked desperately was to get the funding which was used to study and life. Where there was project bidding, there were the figures of the scientists. They desperately thought of a rat-fuck project and imagined all sorts of possible answers in order to get the money, while some pharmaceutical enterprises or large merchants would choose the projects they interested then loosen their purse strings generously, sponsored certain research projects from America Association for Cancer Research, American Society of Clinical Oncology. Various awards stimulated them to apply for, and the money taken out from the pharmaceutical enterprises or large merchants, in America, can be tax avoidance or tax cuts, so most of the applications were just for survival rather than for interesting.
 
多數(shù)的哲學(xué)博士 (Doctor of Philosophy，Ph.D.)的工資，不像臨床醫(yī)學(xué)博士（Doctor of Medicine，M.D.）的工資那么高，因?yàn)檫@些臨床醫(yī)學(xué)博士可以一邊做醫(yī)生，一邊做研究，他們主要出于興趣，為在臨床實(shí)踐中遇到的困難和問(wèn)題尋找答案，尋找解決的方案，這也是我比較欣賞的一種研究方式。在美國(guó)，這種醫(yī)生社會(huì)地位較高，工資待遇較高。
Wages of most Ph.D was not so high as that of M.D., because these M.D could do as a doctor, while they were doing research which mainly out of their interest, to find answers to the difficulties and problems encountered in clinical practice and to find the solution schemes to them, which was also a way of research I appreciated relatively. In the USA, this kind of doctors enjoyed a relatively high social status with high salary.
 
中國(guó)留學(xué)生在國(guó)內(nèi)學(xué)醫(yī)，到了美國(guó)，有的人會(huì)去讀哲學(xué)博士，目的是通過(guò)讀哲學(xué)博士提高英語(yǔ)交流能力，同時(shí)有個(gè)學(xué)生身份在美國(guó)可以合法居留，有的人選擇考美國(guó)的行醫(yī)執(zhí)照。在美國(guó)，臨床醫(yī)學(xué)博士一般都有行醫(yī)執(zhí)照，你考過(guò)執(zhí)照，做完實(shí)習(xí)醫(yī)生，就可以當(dāng)醫(yī)生。相比較而言在國(guó)內(nèi)讀了碩士、博士的人好像吃了大虧，其實(shí)沒(méi)吃虧，打的基礎(chǔ)好了，進(jìn)步快，適應(yīng)快。
Some of Chinese overseas students who had studied medicine domestic, in America, however would go to study Ph.D in order to improve their ability to communicate in English as well as with a pupilage they could legally reside in the USA., while some of them chose to take USA license to practice medicine. In American, clinical M.D generally has a license to practice medicine. If you passed the license exam, finished the intern, then you could be a doctor. Comparison at home the persons who had read a Master or a Doctor seemed to suffer heavy losses, in fact they didn't, a good basis of learning for faster progress and a adaptation quickly.
 
我見(jiàn)過(guò)不少的中國(guó)醫(yī)學(xué)學(xué)士，到了美國(guó)后干得很好，當(dāng)然，一開(kāi)始也是費(fèi)了不少勁，克服了不少困難，有的人還通過(guò)自學(xué)來(lái)補(bǔ)課。  
I had seen a lot of China Bachelor of medicine done very well in America, of course, who had to face a lot of trouble at the beginning, overcome many difficulties, and some of them even through self-study to make up their deficiency.
 
延安老兄就是其中一個(gè)，他沒(méi)有研究生的經(jīng)歷，后來(lái)考取了行醫(yī)執(zhí)照，在美國(guó)就是當(dāng)然的臨床醫(yī)學(xué)博士。我的中國(guó)朋友毛利（Mao Li）也很優(yōu)秀，在著名的安德森腫瘤中心（M.D. Anderson腫瘤中心創(chuàng)建于1941年，是全世界最重要的癌癥研究中心之一）當(dāng)了教授，沒(méi)有考行醫(yī)執(zhí)照，也是臨床醫(yī)學(xué)博士，也沒(méi)有國(guó)內(nèi)外研究生的經(jīng)歷。近年他又去了美國(guó)馬里蘭的一家口腔醫(yī)學(xué)院當(dāng)了系主任，為中國(guó)人爭(zhēng)了光，如按國(guó)內(nèi)的觀(guān)點(diǎn)，他確實(shí)沒(méi)有得過(guò)博士學(xué)位，但美國(guó)承認(rèn)了他，又當(dāng)了不同級(jí)別的教授，就是當(dāng)然的臨床醫(yī)學(xué)博士。
Brother Yanan was one of them, he had not experience graduate, later he passed the exam and got the medical license who was a rightful M.D in USA. My Chinese friend Mao Li was also very excellent who had become a professor in famous M.D.Anderson Cancer Center (M.D. Anderson cancer center was founded in 1941, and it is one of the most important cancer research center all over the world) , he did not get the license to practice medicine, but also the clinical medical doctor, besides, he did not have the postgraduate experience either domestic or foreign. Recently, he went to be a dean of department in a stomatology college in Maryland, USA, which was honor for Chinese. According to the domestic viewpoint, he did not have a doctorate indeed, while USA admitted him; and he had become a professor at different levels, then of course a clinical medical doctor. 
 
美國(guó)任何一個(gè)大學(xué)的助理教授（Assistant Professor）、副教授（Associate Professor），或加冠于副（Adjunct）之類(lèi)，條件之一是具有哲學(xué)博士或臨床醫(yī)學(xué)博士或同等學(xué)力，只要你在美國(guó)干得好，就能得到承認(rèn)，這就是美國(guó)。這些人回國(guó)了，國(guó)內(nèi)的觀(guān)點(diǎn)與美國(guó)有所不同，那屬于國(guó)情問(wèn)題，不是個(gè)人能主宰的，我覺(jué)得，承認(rèn)與否無(wú)關(guān)緊要，只要有能力就可以了。
One of the conditions for Assistant Professor, Associate Professor or other title with “Adjunct” from any University in the USA is Ph.D. or M.D. or equivalent, as long as you done well in USA, you would be admitted, this is America. When these people returned, however domestic viewpoint was different from that in America which belonged to the national affairs and could not be controlled by the individual, I thought, as long as you had capability, it was not important to be admitted or not.
　　像我就是這樣，在美國(guó)得到了承認(rèn)。回國(guó)了就按國(guó)內(nèi)的規(guī)矩辦，也沒(méi)有問(wèn)題。
在美國(guó)的研究室，我努力工作著，加班加點(diǎn)是經(jīng)常的事，有時(shí)半夜睡不著，就到實(shí)驗(yàn)室搞研究，時(shí)常錯(cuò)過(guò)吃飯時(shí)間，餓了就隨便找點(diǎn)吃的。就這樣，兩年很快過(guò)去了。
Just as I was, my M.D.was recognized in USA, while in China, it was no problem to go along domestic rules. 
As in American research, I worked very hard, and it was the often case to work overtime” Sometimes I could not sleep in the middle of the night, then I went to the lab to do experiment. I often missed the dinner time, be hungry then to grab something to eat. So, two years passed quickly.
 
1992年，我有幸在世界著名的索爾克做博士后研究。在這個(gè)研究所里，我如魚(yú)得水，開(kāi)始在美國(guó)嶄露頭角，我的科研成果于1994年曾得到美國(guó)陸軍醫(yī)學(xué)研究開(kāi)發(fā)署（U.S Army Medical Research and Development Command）科學(xué)前途發(fā)展獎(jiǎng)16萬(wàn)美元，當(dāng)時(shí)我們實(shí)驗(yàn)室的十幾個(gè)博士后中，就我跟另一個(gè)中國(guó)人得到這筆經(jīng)費(fèi)，一時(shí)驚呆他人，我倆都沒(méi)有哲學(xué)博士。同時(shí)我也是首席科學(xué)家（Principle Investigator，PI），同時(shí)還被聘為該研究所的研究員，同年被破格聘為加州大學(xué)圣地亞哥分校醫(yī)學(xué)院的助理教授。  
In 1992, I was honor doing postdoctoral research at Salk, the world famous institute where I felt myself just like a fish in water, began to cut a striking figure in America. My research results was granted the Future of Science Development Award with $160,000 by U.S Army Medical Research and Development Command in 1994, when there were more a dozen postdoctoral in our laboratory, only me and another Chinese fellow enjoyed this funding, and this stunned others, as neither of us was a Ph.D., at the same time I was also the Principle Investigator as well as appointed to be a researcher in the Institute, the same year I was employed to be assistant professor at the University of California, San Diego.
 
（以下部分及3、4、5節(jié)的譯稿尚未校對(duì)，抱歉！還有第6節(jié)哦）
 
 
1.6在美國(guó)名校圣地亞哥加州大學(xué)腫瘤中心，跟導(dǎo)師斯奈爾學(xué)以致用
1.6 At the cancer center in University of California, San Diego, I studied to practice following supervisor Sinil   
我的第一個(gè)導(dǎo)師，私下都稱(chēng)老板，是位腫瘤科的臨床醫(yī)生，因在圣地亞哥加州大學(xué)腫瘤中心，所以他也是助理教授，能帶博士生及博士后學(xué)生。斯奈爾在研究藥物載體方面很有成就，發(fā)表過(guò)很多篇文章，并擁有一些專(zhuān)利如多室多層的脂質(zhì)體（Liposome）緩釋藥物治癌癥。中心主任史蒂文·豪威爾（Steven howell）教授也是一名腫瘤醫(yī)生，腫瘤緩釋泵化療是他發(fā)明的，為此，他得到了一筆不小的資金。主任史蒂文在美國(guó)腫瘤界很有名氣的，主辦過(guò)美國(guó)多屆腫瘤學(xué)術(shù)會(huì)議，他的實(shí)驗(yàn)室博士生較多，正在研究鉑類(lèi)耐藥基因。我們同在一座樓，基本上是一個(gè)大實(shí)驗(yàn)室，他是大老板，斯奈爾是小老板，我直接歸斯奈爾管，是他的學(xué)生，他的部下，為他打工的博士后。  
My first supervisor whom I privately called boss was a oncology clinician, as he was at the cancer center in University of California, San Diego, so he was also an assistant professor who could direct the doctoral and post doctoral students. Sinil had made great achievements in the study of drug carriers, published a lot of articles about them, and had some patents such as curing cancer using the sustained release drugs of multi chamber multilayer liposome. The center director, professor Steven·Howell is also a cancer doctor who invented the tumor sustained release chemotherapy and therefore gained a comparative sum of money. Director Steven was famous in the USA tumor field, had ever hosted the American Academic Conference on cancer; and many a few doctoral students were in his lab working on the research of platinum resistant gene. We were in the same building, almost the same big laboratory, and Director Steven was the big boss while Sinil was a small boss. I was directly under the supervising of Sinil i.e. I was his pupil, his follower and a postdoctoral working for him.
我在北京協(xié)和醫(yī)科大學(xué)腫瘤醫(yī)院讀研究生的時(shí)候，我就專(zhuān)門(mén)研究過(guò)脂質(zhì)體的合成、功能及應(yīng)用，并發(fā)表了幾篇文章，也算是第一個(gè)將脂質(zhì)體用于淋巴結(jié)顯像劑及骨髓顯像劑的人。有基礎(chǔ)研究，還有臨床應(yīng)用研究，這些在國(guó)內(nèi)好像都沒(méi)什么特別的，但到了美國(guó)，研究和發(fā)明用到了臨床，人家就會(huì)高看你一眼。我的發(fā)明臨床效果還不錯(cuò)，實(shí)驗(yàn)室里的美國(guó)人就更敬重我。
When I was a Graduate student at the Tumor Hospital of Union Medical College in Beijing, I had studied the synthesis, function and application of the liposome, and published several articles about it, so I was almost the first person of applying liposome to lymph node imaging agent and bone imaging. It seemed no especial domestic who had engaged in basic research and clinical application research, while in America as long as you applied the research and invention to clinical, people would see highly of you. The clinical effect of my invention was well, and the Americans in the lab respected me more.
 
到圣地亞哥加州大學(xué)填了一大堆表格，有的看懂了，有的一知半解。月薪1200美元，這要比公派留學(xué)生380—500美元的薪金高出了很多。填表時(shí)有一欄是需要選擇的，哲學(xué)博士？還是臨床醫(yī)學(xué)博士？我覺(jué)得我既不能選臨床醫(yī)學(xué)博士，也不能選哲學(xué)博士。
At the University of California, San Diego, I filled out a thick pile of forms, some of which I understood while on some of which I had half-baked knowledge. Then I got a monthly salary of $1200, which was much higher than that of the government-funded student. As filling out the forms, a column in a form was needed to select: A doctor of philosophy? Or a clinical medical doctor? I thought neither could I choose the clinical medical doctor, nor the doctor of philosophy.
　　我便問(wèn)導(dǎo)師斯奈爾，他說(shuō)：“您填臨床醫(yī)學(xué)博士。”
　　我一再地向他申明：“我是醫(yī)學(xué)碩士，大學(xué)醫(yī)學(xué)學(xué)士，不是臨床醫(yī)學(xué)博士，也不是哲學(xué)博士。”
斯奈爾就反復(fù)給我講，咱們一樣都是臨床醫(yī)學(xué)博士，“你在中國(guó)已是醫(yī)生并有學(xué)位證書(shū)，你的學(xué)校美國(guó)也承認(rèn)，在我的實(shí)驗(yàn)室，做的是醫(yī)學(xué)博士后的研究，那你就是臨床醫(yī)學(xué)博士。”
I asked my supervisor Sinil for help, and he told me: "Fill that you are a doctor of clinical medicine."
I declared to him once another: "I am a master of medicine, an University Bachelor of medicine instead of a clinical medicine doctor, nor the doctor of philosophy."
    Sinil told me again and again that we were the same as the clinical medical doctor, "You had been a doctor with a degree diploma in China, and your college is acknowledged in America, in my lab, you are engaged in the study of medicine postdoctoral, so you are the clinical medical doctor."
 
　　最后斯奈爾半開(kāi)玩笑地說(shuō)：“當(dāng)然，你要在美國(guó)行醫(yī)，是要考取行醫(yī)執(zhí)照的。”
　　我覺(jué)得還是不妥，他說(shuō)：“好了，你如果讀哲學(xué)博士，你就是臨床醫(yī)學(xué)博士加哲學(xué)博士，在美國(guó)有了臨床醫(yī)學(xué)博士，多數(shù)人不必再讀哲學(xué)博士。有些哲學(xué)博士為了行醫(yī)，也會(huì)選擇讀臨床醫(yī)學(xué)博士。你已經(jīng)做得不錯(cuò)，沒(méi)有必要再讀哲學(xué)博士，太浪費(fèi)時(shí)間，讀哲學(xué)博士可能就是5—6年, 時(shí)間就是金錢(qián)啊。”
如果當(dāng)年在美國(guó)我去讀哲學(xué)博士, 前途肯定是另一樣了。
Finally Sinil half made fun of me and said: "Of course, you have to get the license to practice medicine in America."
Still I felt it was not right, while he said: "Well, if you read the PhD, then you are both a clinical medical doctor and a PhD, while being a clinical medicine doctor, most in USA don't need to read the PhD. Some PhD may also choose to read the clinical medical doctor in order to practice medicine, while you have done a good job and no need to read the PhD which is too waste of time, may about 5 to 6 years, you know time is money."
If I had read a PhD in America, the future to me is certainly the other.
 
　　就這樣，我成了博士后，跟著斯奈爾老板做博士后研究。
1990年斯奈爾研究的阿糖胞苷脂質(zhì)體（嘧啶類(lèi)抗代謝藥物，通過(guò)抑制細(xì)胞DNA的合成，干擾細(xì)胞的增殖，是治療癌癥的一種藥物和脂質(zhì)的合成體）緩釋藥物已經(jīng)相當(dāng)不錯(cuò)，脊髓腔內(nèi)注射，在腦脊液內(nèi)存留二十天，可以治療各種癌癥的腦轉(zhuǎn)移和腦膜轉(zhuǎn)移。為了放大實(shí)驗(yàn)室的小樣品，我做了很多工作。同時(shí)他還教會(huì)了我怎樣利用他發(fā)明的藥物緩釋載體，小樣品的脂質(zhì)體我已經(jīng)做得很好了。
In this way I became a postdoctoral, followed boss Sinil to do postdoctoral research.
In 1990, the sustained release drugs of liposomal cytarabine ( pyrimidine antimetabolites, the synthesis through inhibition of DNA, interference to cell proliferation, is synthesis of drugs and liposome for treatment of cancer) under Sinil’s research had been quite good, with intrathecal injection, stayed in the cerebrospinal fluid for twenty days, could cure various cancers of the brain metastases and meningeal metastasis. I did a lot of work in order to amplify the small samples in laboratory, while he taught me how to use the drug release carrier he invented, and I had done the liposome of small sample very well.
　　回國(guó)創(chuàng)業(yè)時(shí)，我還用中國(guó)的原料做成了多室囊的脂質(zhì)體。
我和斯奈爾天天交流討論，他幾乎天天在考我，從免疫學(xué)到腫瘤學(xué)和制劑學(xué)，三天兩頭給我文章讓我自學(xué)。僅僅三個(gè)月時(shí)間，我開(kāi)始頭疼、頭暈，并且越來(lái)越厲害，找眼科醫(yī)生一檢查，我的眼睛300度近視，從此我就戴上了眼鏡，成了現(xiàn)在這個(gè)樣子。
When I returned to pioneering work, I also made the multi chamber bag liposome with Chinese raw materials.
Mr. Sinil communicated and discussed with me every day as well as he always tested me from immunology to oncology and pharmaceutics, gave me articles every two or three days for me taught myself. Just three months, I began to feel headache, dizziness more and more seriously, taken a check by a doctor at Department of Ophthalmology and learnt that the myopia of my eyes was to 300 degrees, since then I had to wear glasses, become the appearance like this now.
 
利用脂質(zhì)體承載藥物，腫瘤注射緩慢釋放藥物，維持藥物在一個(gè)較高的濃度，從而持續(xù)地殺死腫瘤，效果比較好。斯奈爾導(dǎo)師已經(jīng)發(fā)表了一些文章，讓我研究瘤內(nèi)脂質(zhì)體緩釋的動(dòng)力學(xué)。我比較懂得計(jì)算機(jī)斷層掃描（CT）、核醫(yī)學(xué)將造影劑，泛影葡胺包埋于脂質(zhì)體，行瘤內(nèi)注射，于是立即進(jìn)行計(jì)算機(jī)斷層掃描（CT）掃描，記錄出片，然后用治療計(jì)劃系統(tǒng)（Treatment Planning System）讀出腫瘤內(nèi)計(jì)算機(jī)斷層掃描（CT）值及變化，分析出泛影葡胺在瘤內(nèi)的變化情況。
The effect was relatively good of which using liposomes to carry drugs, tumor injection to slowly release the drugs to maintain a high concentration thereby to kill the tumor. Supervisor Sinil had published some articles, and he let me study dynamics of intratumoral liposome release. Relatively I knew computer tomography (CT), nuclear medicine will contrast agent, meglumine diatrizoate entrapped in liposomes, for intratumoral injection, then immediately scanned the computed tomography (CT), recorded sheets, and then used the Treatment Planning System to read out the value and the changes of the computer tomograqphy within the tumor tomography (CT) , analyzing the changes of meglumine diatrizoate in tumor.
我們還研究了腫瘤內(nèi)酒精飽和抗癌藥物，飽和液瘤內(nèi)注射，因?yàn)榱鰞?nèi)酒精注射治療肝癌從20世紀(jì)80年代就開(kāi)始研究，效果并不理想。酒精凝固瘤內(nèi)蛋白使腫瘤死亡，如果在蛋白凝固同時(shí)包埋其中，一些抗癌藥物將會(huì)提高療效，主要思路是斯奈爾提出的，由我完成，整個(gè)過(guò)程僅用了一年多。
We also study the saturated alcohol in tumor and anti-cancer drugs,  intratumoral injection in saturated liquid, as the study on intratumoral ethanol injection for treatment of liver cancer was startecd in 1980s and the effect was not ideal. Alcohol coagulated the protein in tumor to make tumor death, and it would improve the curative effect if at the same time of the protein coagulation and embedded them with some anticancer drugs. This idea is mainly put forward by Sinil, done by me(finished by me), and the whole process took more than one year.
 
實(shí)驗(yàn)一開(kāi)始，患腫瘤的小鼠注射酒精后就昏過(guò)去，曾設(shè)法多次注射，效果也不好。反反復(fù)復(fù)浪費(fèi)了很多時(shí)間，才使我想到如何讓小鼠產(chǎn)生酒精耐受，買(mǎi)來(lái)新生小鼠就喂10%酒精，三天增一個(gè)量級(jí)，直至100%酒精。小鼠由于長(zhǎng)期喝酒，長(zhǎng)得也壯了許多，接種黑色素細(xì)胞瘤后，就長(zhǎng)得很好。酒精飽和注射液瘤內(nèi)注射，小鼠就不昏了，試驗(yàn)成功。
From the beginning of the experiment, the mice with tumor fainted after alcohol injection, and I had ever managed to do with multiple injections, still got the poor effect. The experiment was done repeatedly, wasting a lot of time, till it made me think about how to make the mice produce ethanol tolerance, then i bought the newborn mice and fed them with 10% alcohol, added an order of magnitude every three days, until the 100% alcohol. Due to long-term drinking, the mice grew up strong a lot, and even more better after vaccination of melanoma cells, as well as did not faint any more with injection of saturated alcohol and intratumoral. The test succeeded.
 
我多次在腫瘤中心會(huì)上發(fā)言，利用腫瘤組織凝固變性來(lái)緩釋抗癌藥物，從而達(dá)到更好的抗癌效果，這就是20年前我們提出的抗癌“緩釋庫(kù)”的原型。后來(lái)發(fā)表文章，那是在我離開(kāi)美國(guó)約8年后發(fā)表的，我和斯奈爾導(dǎo)師共同署名。
I made speeches at the tumor center for many times, using tumor tissue coagulation degeneration to sustained-release anticancer drugs, so as to achieve a better effect of anticancer, which was the prototype of anticancer “ sustained-release base ” we proposed 20 years ago. Eight years later when I was out the USA, an article about the “sustained-release base " was published, co-signed by my supervisor Sinil and me.
 
斯奈爾研究脂質(zhì)體緩釋藥物的目的不光是為了發(fā)表文章，他的目標(biāo)是為臨床病人治療癌癥。這不同于哲學(xué)博士研究理論發(fā)表文章是為爭(zhēng)取更高的學(xué)術(shù)地位。斯奈爾開(kāi)辦了帝寶泰克（Depotech）公司，就是用他研究的緩釋庫(kù)抗癌藥物的脂質(zhì)體向美國(guó)食品藥物管理局（Food and Drug Administration）申報(bào)批新藥物。1998年美國(guó)食品藥物管理局終于批準(zhǔn)斯奈爾的抗癌藥物上市了，同時(shí)他也上了美國(guó)的《紐約時(shí)報(bào)》，斯奈爾成了億萬(wàn)富翁。跟他工作了兩年，我學(xué)到的就是學(xué)以致用，把自己成果最終應(yīng)用于病人，斯奈爾非常滿(mǎn)意我所取得的成績(jī)。
The goal for Sinil’s study on liposome sustained-release drug was clinical treatment for cancer patients rather than to publish articles which was different from an PhD who published articles on theory research in order to gain higher academic position. Sinil opened a company of Depotech, which was just using the liposome of sustained-release base anticancer drug he researched to declare new drugs from Food and Drug Administration USA. In 1998, Sinil’s anticancer drugs was approved to enter the market by Food and Drug Administration USA., at the same time he was also on the " New York Times" as well as became a billionaire. Working with him for two years, what I have learned is to learn for practice, applying the research  results on the patients, and Sinil was very satisfied with my achievements.
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