戀愛中我是否該主動(dòng)？是該選擇維持高冷形象，還是該直接向男生表達(dá)心意？相信這是困擾無數(shù)女孩子的問題。

英國(guó)的戀愛專家Matthew Hussey從男生的角度說：女生要更主動(dòng)些，如果你只是坐等男人來找你，那你等來的多半是渣男……

為什么呢？來聽聽Matthew Hussey分析男生的心理活動(dòng)：

多數(shù)男生并不懂撩妹

Matthew Hussey說，男生都懂一個(gè)道理，在戀愛中要采取主動(dòng)。

但問題是，他們并不太知道如何正確表達(dá)自己的感覺。

As guys are growing up, we have this idea that we're supposed to do something in the dating process.

我們男生從小就覺得自己應(yīng)該是戀愛中采取主動(dòng)的一方。

And if we don't get taught that by our parents, we get taught that by movies at the very least.

就算父母沒教過，我們看電影也學(xué)到了。

不過，電影歸電影，現(xiàn)實(shí)生活中，你身邊的男生可能就沒那么主動(dòng)了。因?yàn)椋�他們根本就不知道該怎么向女生表達(dá)心意啊。

So now what happens is we walk through life seeing women that we're attracted to, and we’re not able to do anything.

所以現(xiàn)實(shí)情況是，我們?cè)谏�活中發(fā)現(xiàn)了吸引自己的女性，但卻不知道該做些什么。

此刻雙語君的感受是——

只有極少數(shù)男生會(huì)主動(dòng)

Matthew Hussey畫了一個(gè)男生分布圖……

只有少部分的男生會(huì)追求所有他們喜歡的女生，還有更少的一部分男生，會(huì)追求所有女生，這種人還有個(gè)學(xué)名——渣男。

還有一部分男性不會(huì)主動(dòng)接觸任何女生。

而剩下的那大部分男生，他們都在等待合適的時(shí)機(jī)。

而他們面臨的難題，又回到了前面所說的：

We're not very good at judging when is the right moment.

男生不太會(huì)判斷什么時(shí)候是合適的時(shí)機(jī)。

We also don't know what to do when we've decided it's the right moment.

就算知道這是正確的時(shí)機(jī)，男生們也不知道該怎么做。

總結(jié)來看，阻礙男生接近你的，是他們的“靈魂三問”：該干什么？怎么做？何時(shí)做？

女生需要主動(dòng)

接下來就是女生需要思考的問題了。女生們是否該對(duì)男生主動(dòng)一點(diǎn)呢？

不少女生或許都那么想過：

If a guy hasn't got the balls to come and approach me, that's not the sort of guy I want anyway.

如果那個(gè)男生連接近我的勇氣都沒有，他絕對(duì)不是我想要的人。

have the balls to：有膽量做某事

有多少人說過這種話？在座的女性觀眾嘩嘩都舉起了手……

Matthew Hussey表示：你們簡(jiǎn)直是瘋了。

他說了句大實(shí)話：

If we approached every woman we were attracted to, we wouldn't have jobs. It's all we would be doing.

如果我們要去追自己喜歡的所有女生，那我們可以不用工作了。我們整天就用來撩妹子了。

實(shí)際情況是，男性如果對(duì)30個(gè)女性感興趣，他可能只會(huì)主動(dòng)接近其中一個(gè)，條件是，他發(fā)現(xiàn)了合適的時(shí)機(jī)：

This is a moment where he feels it’s easy enough to do something.

一個(gè)他方便向你示好的時(shí)機(jī)。

In other moments, he might face too many hurdles and not be able to actively approach you.

在其他時(shí)候，如果有種種障礙，他都不會(huì)主動(dòng)接觸你。

對(duì)于男生來說，如果女生在和一群朋友玩耍，或者工作忙到腳朝天，或是身邊有男性好友陪伴......這些都是障礙，讓他覺得無法接觸你。

也許你還懷著夢(mèng)想，希望走在街上偶遇白馬王子，對(duì)此我只能說：“醒一醒”。

你遇見真命天子的幾率極小，對(duì)方是個(gè)渣男的可能性卻非常大，也就是前文說的會(huì)去搭訕?biāo)�有女生那一小部分男生�?/p>

So if you're hanging back and waiting for guys to do it, of course you only meet players.

所以如果你只是一味地被動(dòng)退縮，等別人來主動(dòng)與你接觸，你碰見的當(dāng)然會(huì)是個(gè)花花公子了。

Of course you only meet that cocky guy, who doesn't actually give you anything more.

當(dāng)然你只會(huì)遇見一個(gè)自大狂，一個(gè)并不真正在乎你的人。

cocky：自大的

因此不要再對(duì)被人搭訕抱有不切實(shí)際的幻想，那個(gè)向你獻(xiàn)殷勤的男生可能已經(jīng)撩過無數(shù)妹子了。

總而言之，如果你想要擁有一份良好的感情，女生還是需要主動(dòng)一些的。

但戀愛專家提醒說，女生主動(dòng)是要講究技巧的：

It's not about the girl making the move, per se.

本質(zhì)上講，不是女生本身要采取行動(dòng)。

per se [,pə:'sei]：本身

It's about you giving him a license to make the move.

而是你需要示意男性，讓他們主動(dòng)起來。

所以，人類戀愛史上的重大難題來了：女孩如何暗示男孩你喜歡他，但又不陷入“猛追不舍”的尷尬僵局？

我來給你幾條Tips，快實(shí)踐起來吧……

❶

Actually Text Him Back

給他回消息

電影里都是這么演的，女生收到男生消息，應(yīng)該等個(gè)一陣子再回。

但男生可不會(huì)覺得這是你的小把戲。

You're probably thinking that ignoring his text messages for hours at a time is the way to go. But guys don't think the same way that we do. If you wait before answering him, he's going to think you don't like him. He won't realize that it's all a big strategy and that you're ignoring him on purpose.

你可能覺得，應(yīng)該等幾個(gè)小時(shí)再回他的消息才是對(duì)的，但是男生可不會(huì)這么想。如果你等半天才回，他可能會(huì)覺得你不喜歡他，不會(huì)覺得這是你故意冷落他的計(jì)謀。

社會(huì)節(jié)奏這么快，大家也沒耐心去猜猜猜了……另外如果你想繼續(xù)發(fā)展，也別回“哦”和“

”。

Don't just text one-word answers, though – show him that you have something to say. If you two can hold an interesting conversation via text message, you might be able to chat just as well in person. It's a good start, at least.

你也別只回一個(gè)字，讓他知道你跟他有話說。如果你倆在手機(jī)上聊得不錯(cuò)，那當(dāng)面應(yīng)該也聊得很好，這至少是個(gè)好的開始。

❷

Don't Play Hard To Get

別作

扮成一副很難追到手的樣子？這不是一點(diǎn)用都沒有，但這不是個(gè)好主意。

According to experts, the old-school dating technique of playing hard to get actually works: it can make someone who's not head-over-heels for you start to view you as a potential girlfriend. However, it's not the best strategy here because it's not obvious at all – it's way too vague.

專家說，裝作很難追到手這種老派約會(huì)技巧確實(shí)有點(diǎn)用，會(huì)讓尚未為你傾倒的男生開始把你當(dāng)做潛在對(duì)象。但是這不是最好的主意，太不明顯了，太模糊。

即便真的表現(xiàn)出一副很難追的樣子，也要給人一點(diǎn)“有可能”的信號(hào)。

How is he supposed to know that when you pretend you're too busy to be asked out that you actually do want to grab dinner? Make sure you're giving off an available vibe so he doesn't think you're a super busy, super off-limits kind of person.

如果你確實(shí)想和他共進(jìn)晚餐，但又一直裝出超忙的樣子，他怎么可能知道！你得給他一點(diǎn)你“可約”的信號(hào)，這樣他不會(huì)覺得你是一個(gè)超忙的，他怎么也追不到的人。

❸

Laughter Is The Key

笑是關(guān)鍵

不得不說，一個(gè)懂幽默、有情趣的女生確實(shí)有著極大的吸引力。

If you can make your crush laugh, you're doing pretty well and he's bound to ask you out super soon.

如果你能逗你喜歡的人笑，那你已經(jīng)做得非常好了，他會(huì)很快來約你的。

❹

Never Mention Ex-Boyfriends

永遠(yuǎn)別提前任

你想要通過提前任讓對(duì)方嫉妒？太天真……

Let's be real: trying to make someone jealous is pretty lame. It usually backfires and just isn't the best idea. If you truly like this person and see a future with them, you don't want to mention your ex-boyfriends. At all. Same goes for anyone else you've casually dated recently.

說實(shí)話，讓別人嫉妒挺差勁的，這通常會(huì)事與愿違。如果你確實(shí)喜歡這個(gè)人，想繼續(xù)發(fā)展，那就別提前男友。一句也別提。也別提最近隨便約會(huì)的任何人。

如果想讓對(duì)方對(duì)你產(chǎn)生興趣，就別老提前男友。不然人家就不想追你了。

If you want this guy to think of you as a love interest, then he needs to think that you're totally available. He won't think that way if you're always bringing up your past loves. Instead, keep your conversations light and positive.

如果你想讓這個(gè)人對(duì)你產(chǎn)生興趣，就必須讓他覺得你是完全可追的。如果你總是提前男友，就可能會(huì)打消他的念想了。所以，聊得積極陽光一點(diǎn)。

❺

Compliment Him

夸他

當(dāng)然，我們不是說一通猛夸……這會(huì)讓他感覺超奇怪。

In a non-creepy way, of course. And it has to make sense. You can't just randomly blurt out that he's so cute, smart, funny, awesome – even if you want to. He'll think you're super weird and your dreams will all be shattered within a single second.

當(dāng)然你不能夸得很奇怪了，必須夸得有道理。你不能閉著眼說他有多帥、多聰明、多有趣、多厲害——即便你真這么想的。他會(huì)覺得你超奇怪，那你的撩漢美夢(mèng)基本就一秒破碎了。

所以，通過夸人撩漢的正確姿勢(shì)是什么呢？來來來……

Make sure your compliments are said in a flirty, joking, light-hearted way – and if you're texting, maybe throw in an adorable emoji in there for good measure. Hey, you don't just compliment anyone. Someone has to earn that praise. He'll get the hint.

夸人時(shí)，要夸得既撩人，又像在開玩笑，又很輕松。如果你是發(fā)消息，可以發(fā)些可愛的表情包。讓他感覺到，你可不是隨便夸人的哦，你的贊賞只給值得贊美的人。他會(huì)知道的。

❻

Ask Him To Hang Out

約他出去玩

與其被動(dòng)等待，不如主動(dòng)出擊。不過，“約他”和“約他出去玩”可是有微妙差別的。

Don’t ask him out. Ask him to hang out – there’s a big difference and it’s an important one. If you’re super casual and ask him to grab a bite sometime or head to a movie, it’ll leave his head spinning and make him wonder just what’s going on. That’s good – you want him to be confused about whether it’s a real date or a just-as-friends thing.

不要說是約會(huì)，只說是一塊兒出去玩。二者可是有大區(qū)別的，而且，這點(diǎn)很重要哦。如果你就是超隨意地約他吃個(gè)東西，或者看個(gè)電影。那他就會(huì)思考，究竟是咋回事兒。這很好啊，因?yàn)槟憔鸵�讓他感到困惑，思考到底是貨真價(jià)實(shí)的約會(huì)，還是朋友間約著玩。

假如對(duì)方喜歡你，那他內(nèi)心肯定波濤洶涌，一定會(huì)有所表現(xiàn)的。

If he likes you as much as you like him, he’ll make the mood romantic rather than platonic and will make sure that you know how he feels. He won’t want to let it slide and will want to make you his before anyone else can.

如果他也同樣喜歡你，那一定會(huì)制造出浪漫的戀愛氣息，還會(huì)想方設(shè)法讓你知道他的感受。他肯定不會(huì)錯(cuò)失良機(jī)，搶在別人前面，把你變成那個(gè)她。

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